i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
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