I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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