Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were birth control emojis
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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