You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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