I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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