So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
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I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
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Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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