I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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