sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
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at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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