I want you more than these girls want KFC
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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