I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
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Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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