she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize