If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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