matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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