listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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