I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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