I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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