Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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