So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
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It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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