I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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