well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
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We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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