Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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