I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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