I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it glows. i had to have it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
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Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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