I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
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I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
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You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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