Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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