In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm always down for nudity.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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