I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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