hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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