Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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