I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
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A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
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