Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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