happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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