Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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