So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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