My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Are we still banned from the library?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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