when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
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If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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