Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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