If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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