There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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