You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
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Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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