you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
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I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
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conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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