nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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