I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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