and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
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I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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