If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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