Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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