After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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