my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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