Texts From Last Night

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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Sharpest. Poop. Ever.

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  (902): Sharpest. Poop. Ever. http://tfl.nu/efzq
  Replies (39) Good night (929) Bad night (7777) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.

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  (775): A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins. http://tfl.nu/j7t3
  Replies (23) Good night (4616) Bad night (1038)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.

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  (613): So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely. http://tfl.nu/77c9
  Replies (57) Good night (8178) Bad night (1917) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  just thought you should know her name is kristen

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  (630): the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me. (630): just thought you should know her name is kristen http://tfl.nu/a2dg
  Replies (18) Good night (5065) Bad night (831)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken

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  (508): The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken http://tfl.nu/dqor
  Replies (17) Good night (831) Bad night (5756) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.

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  (207): Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you. http://tfl.nu/tfuz
  Replies (5) Good night (5140) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  That's why there are breakfast margaritas.

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  (206): That's why there are breakfast margaritas. http://tfl.nu/dzi9
  Replies (3) Good night (3135) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants

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  (807): he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants http://tfl.nu/ed98
  Replies (12) Good night (1654) Bad night (5566) Order T-Shirt
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids

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  (574): I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids http://tfl.nu/kt7c
  Replies (6) Good night (683) Bad night (3541) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition

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  (765): That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition http://tfl.nu/31mo
  Replies (4) Good night (1749) Bad night (1222) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.

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  (256): Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary. http://tfl.nu/t36d
  Replies (3) Good night (2349) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.

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  (828): Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes. http://tfl.nu/k70t
  Replies (9) Good night (1549) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.

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  (740): There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place. http://tfl.nu/9g42
  Replies (6) Good night (1006) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.

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  (412): I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call. http://tfl.nu/5iup
  Replies (17) Good night (2485) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.

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  (678): I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated. http://tfl.nu/ulsy
  Replies (2) Good night (336) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt

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