my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
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He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
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I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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